Stuck

Stuck
Tired of these dark thoughts
That wrap around and paralyse me
It seems that I’m constantly fighting a battle
I want so badly to be strong
And to be the person that overcomes
To not feel bleak or hopeless
I have absolutely no reason to be
But still this feeling of being lost and alone comes
And once again I feel stuck.

Expectations

Expectations
You want me all covered up
Skirts knee length, clothes modest, thoughts pure
You tell me ladies are to be classy, reserved and demure
I think there is something wrong me
But what you never told me
Was what I should do when I dream of mini dresses and bare feet
Dancing carefree
I love my body and all it’s arches and curves
And I love embracing it
Should I change?

Heartbeat to Heartbeat

Heartbeat to Heartbeat
Heartbeat to heartbeat

Souls intertwined
Always running but somehow I come back to this place
Don’t know what it is about you that makes me feel safe
I try to bury it but my soul yearns for a comfort only you can give
You have truly ruined me you see
Because nothing and no one compares
Reasoning does not explain the compulsion I feel
To hear your voice, and let the thoughts from your beautiful mind take me to passionate and limitless levels
You will never know what you mean to me, gave to me
I don’t always let you know the extent to which you could hurt me
You made me do and feel things I never could
Released the artist and dreamer in me
Made me unafraid
But you see I ran away because I couldn’t let you devastate me like you did before
Never felt so much pain and loss all at once
You said you would never make me feel like that
You lied
And so when you came back I did the only thing I could
I pushed you so far away that you couldn’t touch me
Built walls so high and told myself lies till they soon sounded like the truth
But in quiet moments such as this were I am consumed with thoughts of you
I cannot escape the desire to want to be connected with you
Heartbeat to heartbeat

I wish

I wish
I wish you would show me all of you and not just the pretty parts
This carefully constructed version of you that keeps all the bad things out
I see all the good in there but I also see the pain and hurt that you can never allow yourself to feel
You claim you are strong enough to handle it all
And maybe you are
But what if you don’t have to be
I wish you could share this load with me
But if it can’t be me I hope you find someone who you could let in
I’m sorry but I can’t only love some parts of you.

If only

If only
If only I could be what you need me to be
Could act out what your mind is thinking before you even put it in words
If only I wasn’t so absent-minded, lazy, melancholy
Maybe you wouldn’t scream so much
It used to hurt me so much the thought of never being quite enough
Always falling just short of, subpar even
But now I’m learning I might never please you and I’m okay with it